When My Time Comes…

In light of the loss of my cherished loved one, my uncle, our family rock, I have come to the resolution that I do not want to leave this world in a sheath of black and “gag” carnations or lilies! I know some will find this morbid or say I am a control freak, (I am), but that’s beside the point.  I really do not want my husband or kids to wonder if mom wants this or would I have liked that at my funeral.

First off, the funeral is for those who are left here on earth.  Please know my plan is to be dancing in heaven with those that have gone before me and haunting those that aren’t doing my bidding here on earth (wink, wink).  In all seriousness, here are a few of the things I would like to take place at my funeral in no specific order.

Music – Play Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Judy Garland at the end of the services you choose to have.  Like a wedding song, it’s always been one that comes to my mind when I think of this day.  You know I have a fondness for the Wizard of Oz.  The playlist should include “When I get where I’m going” by Brad Paisley for certain! Know my grandfather was my first love, he loved well and died when I was 5.. probably the start of my daddy issues.  He will be the first person I want to see, my mama second, Uncle, Grandmother, the babies I never got to meet.. there were 2.. And WHM better be there with his stupid grin.  Izzy and I have a song that we both love and it expresses my love for each of you kids and grandkids- Christina Perrys – 1000 Years.

Flowers – Do not spend a ton of money on flowers… if you feel the need, I would love Gerber daisies and English Ivy… something Secret Gardenish… whimsical and fun.  NO CARNATIONS, I don’t care that they are cheap! Carnations piss me off.. probably because it is all I could afford for my mother’s funeral when I was 25, thankfully aforementioned uncle would not let me bury her in a pine box…

Words Spoken– Please do not have a pastor who doesn’t know me from Adam speak too much… a few words and some thoughtful prayers are fine, I don’t want anyone to struggle to say words about me.  I want the real people who were in my life to speak.. I want you to talk about how I am an awful driver, or how I love to sing country music at the top of my lungs!! I want you to talk about how I play contemporary Christian music to keep my anxiety-ridden mind calm. Talk about how I worry constantly about my beautiful babies and drive them nuts checking on them! You are the best accomplishments I have ever or will ever make! Tell stories about how I wait until the last minute to clean like a crazy person before any event in my home! Don’t forget that I love you and couldn’t ever hug those I loved enough, and I am hugging you now.

Food– Have carbs! Lots and lots of carbs.. macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, cheesy potatoes, and bread! Drink wine, cocktails, and toast me… and curse me but get it all out!

Don’t forget to have a pizza with pepperoni and green olives! I can’t wait to get to Heaven and eat gluten!! Tacos!! Have tacos…and queso made with Velveeta. Frank and Morgan—Mexican food!

Gathering-Please gather however you see fit and welcome whoever comes to join you.  Have a venue where you can go outside if it is nice weather… let the kids go out and play.. take chairs outside and know that my happiest times were outside with family and friends talking and being together, put your phones down! Please do not use this time to air family issues, I know you may be struggling and miss me but so are others who deal with it in their way.  If you decide to show your crazy (you know who you are) don’t let it cause a family rift… I birthed three very different types of children and married two more, and you will all need each other, my greatest wish is that you all stay close.  Hold hands and pray together before it’s all over.. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TAKE ANY PICTURES OF ME IN A CASKET! Show plenty of pictures of us, but don’t you dare take a picture of me after I’m cold and dead.. Eat, drink, and be merry…. Play my favorite songs and dance!

Apparel- Please don’t wear black unless it is what you wear all the time (Pamela Wendy), wear kelly green, bright yellow, and beautiful colors that are alive!! Be beautiful and handsome!! Know I was proudest when you looked nice, yes, appearances do make a difference.. also wear something that sparkles or glitters!

My Earthly Vessel Disposal – Take all my jewelry off, if I wore it all the time, it meant something to me. Do not bury me with it, share it with my daughters, nieces, or granddaughters if I have them but don’t bury me with it.  Put me in something classy, that makes me look thin! I want my hair done in a chic do for my viewing and don’t forget lipstick and lashes.  I want to be barefoot though.. I hated shoes in life… so never put another pair on me!

I think there should be a viewing but I want to be cremated.  Don’t waste money on a piece of earth that you may or may not visit.  I don’t like being cooped up and alone alive.. don’t do that to me after I’m gone.  Divide my ashes between whoever wants them and please, please sprinkle some at a beach.. let part of me exist on a beach for eternity.

Obituary- As I love writing and I’m writing this blog, please write something and list all my kids, bonus kids, and perfect, perfect grandbabies!!

Pallbearers – I don’t need them as I am being cremated but if I had them… I would want my brothers because we carried each other through some hell growing up, any of my ex-husbands or my current hubby.. because we made vows to each other, I’m sorry I wasn’t a great wife, but none of you carried me over a threshold, you can carry me out! My kids if they want but I know it’s hard.  They can do whatever they want.. because mama said.

Please know that I love and serve our amazing GOD.  He and I talk all the time! I’m, not a great Christian, I cuss and I’m way too real but I love our God!  Talk to him, pray to him! Read the bible! Teach our babies about him! Pray before every big dinner.  Have lots of family dinners!  Stop and pray with your friends when they need it! Don’t care what others think.  A prayer can go a long way with someone.

I love you all so much! You made my life a heaven on earth! Momma

#glitteredwithgrace #funeralinstructions #controlfreak #lovedeeply

 

When Your Child Doesn’t Receive Awards

It’s that time of year. We have completed the dreaded third grade STAAR testing, we have made it through school projects, end-of-year school parties are on the calendar, those lovely packed lunches are looking skimpy, parents and teachers alike are done… only a couple of days left. Today my youngest received her school yearbook and the end of period award ceremony took place. I knew she would not receive an award and had not received one in her 4 years at this mid-sized, Texas school, so one of my older daughters and I made a point to eat lunch with her to give her a different focus.

I was anxiously awaiting her entrance after school – today had all the appearances of a normal day, backpack unpacking, I asked about her day and then she says – “it was the worst day, another year of no awards!” My heart breaks but as a hold it together, be a better person mom that I am, I reply, “not everyone gets an award honey, you are an amazing, smart young lady, you don’t need a piece of paper to tell you that”. In her tween gaze, I see the that is what you are supposed to say, you are my mother tone as she picks up her iPad to loose herself in a cartoon or Minecraft game.

So as a parent, what do you do? She’s made exceptional grades all year and has had a few blips with friendships and will be the first to come to someone’s aid. She will give you her whole stack of Pokemon cards if it will make you happy. While I know her teachers see her great traits, I cannot make them give her an award for them. My husband and I tell her and all of our kids how amazing and smart they are. How they can do anything their heart’s desire, but we cannot teach her to not care about these damn awards!!

I thank our sweet Jesus (no blasphemy intended), that she doesn’t use social media yet and see all of her friends that received awards. She’s already mentioned multiple names of friends who won something today. I want my baby girl to know it’s okay to do your job well, do the right thing, and just be a good person, I think that is reward enough – I’m damn proud of her.

My mommy senses are going crazy right now though. I am fighting the why isn’t my kid good enough feeling. I know it doesn’t matter to her right now that I think she is flippin amazing. My prayer today is that she comes into her own self-assured nature and can just continue growing in her sweet spirit. We do not all receive awards or recognition for being “average” or just good people and that’s okay.

My youngest is an offbeat kid. She is the youngest of five, her older siblings are a good 11 to 18 years older than she is. She was our bonus baby. She’s a classic only child but she has 4 siblings. She has grown 4 inches and 20 pounds this year. I cross my fingers every morning hoping the outfit I put out will fit her. She’s hit the tall, gawky teen stage at the age of nine years old.

She gets the majority of our attention. My husband works from home and I am a SAHM. Our older kids barely received one-on-one mom or dad time every few months, as we both worked crazy schedules. They remind us frequently how “lucky” she is all the time. She is a very lucky little girl but she is lonely and craves siblings, where our older kids couldn’t wait to get away from each other. The old saying, be careful what you wish for is a double edge sword in my house.

She gets to travel more than her siblings did.. it’s cheaper to take one kid vs. five kids. This past January we got to go to New York City and spend a long weekend. We walked the city, saw Lady Liberty, Times Square, and our first Broadway show – Wicked! We were so excited and she was wrapped up in the story line. At the end of the show, she looked at me and said “Im Elphaba”. I was a little taken aback. She said “I’m the weird kid”. My heart broke.. I told her she was a beautiful child from the highest God and was a unique, beautiful human being.

I pray that my average, self-proclaimed weird kid finds her place is this crazy world. Her older sister has currently taken her and a friend off to the movies, “Diary of a Wimpy Kid”. Sooo we are onto a slow, summer and then fourth grade – May all of our extraordinary yet “average” kids have a perfect summer.

Until next time continue to spread grace and glitter.

UPDATE: About two days after this blog was written, I proceeded to unpack my daughter’s backpack to put it away for the summer. As I pulled out the pieces of trash, Pokemon cards, and discarded spirals, I found a large manilla envelope. Inside this very official envelope were certificates for A Honor Roll for the whole year and Good Citizenship for the whole year! I called my little one and asked her if these weren’t awards? As I proceeded to make a big deal of these very substantial accomplishments, she said but I didn’t get an award in the assembly!!! I have work to do this summer obviously!